I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
