ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
