Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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