he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize