I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
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