Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
