So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
