hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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