my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I got her a Nickelback box set.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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