I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
