I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
