My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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