you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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