I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Randomize
