running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
