I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
