in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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