know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
