how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
