Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
