The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
