you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
