I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
