Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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