Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Dignity is for republicans.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
