well I can't set my house on fire every night
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
