FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
