Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
FUCK WHALES
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
