your room smells of hookers.
And success
i think i have herpe
just one?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
