i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
