I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Randomize
