In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
We had sex on a dog bed..
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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