I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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