life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
The power of my boobs compel you
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Randomize
