just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I love you.
Bad choice
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
