just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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