i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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