I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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