I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
