i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
This is classic penis vs brain.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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