i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
