He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
