You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize