You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
