Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Hippo gnu deer
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
