I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
nutella sex= disaster
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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