i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
