it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
