Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
