Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
