The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
