i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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