Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
