so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
