Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
