You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
