also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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