How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
