Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I need to wash the frat house off of me
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
