you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
