another moral hangover. fuck.
her vagine was all disorganized.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
