Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
