I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
